I am going to start blogging more. The goal is everyday, so we’ll see how that goes. I have been getting really into the new year resolutions, and have been enjoying listening to other’s resolutions as well. So, I’ll go over my resolutions here, and hopefully touch on my progress with each of these, or at least one of these. I am a hopeful individual, but I can accomplish these things. And if I don’t, at least I’ll learn something about myself.
1. Write more: for me, this means I just need to write. I have put off writing forever, even though its something that gives me personal satisfaction. So I’ve determined a few different things that attributed to my lack of words. My lack of focus, dedication, and a scattered mind. Rather than fix these, I want to find positives in them to make it a better experience. Instead of a lack of focus and dedication when writing, have a lack of structure in my writing, and write about anything that comes to mind when it comes to mind. I remember I used to babble on in notes I wrote in high school, very stream of consciousness. Transitions have always been tough. My scattered mind should help me with this, and hopefully writing more simply will help me chronicle and understand what’s going on in there.
2. Physically correct myself: I thought about putting “lose weight” “get skinny” “get fit”, but I just feel like the most honest thing to say is to physically correct myself. As humans, the sedentary lives we lead are so counter to what we were made for. If this body gives up on me, I’m pretty much fucked. I don’t know how many more days of working on a computer for hours and then going home and staring my life away at one screen or another my body can handle before it decides physical activity is not in its future. I don’t want my body to give up on me, I love my body! I want to give it presents, like a euphoric high after running, or a fruit to keep it from having to clean up my junk. I want the color to come back and kiss my face awake. I want my legs to resemble health and beauty and have them enjoy dancing for hours on end as much as I do. Bottom line: I need to give my body some personal attention.
3. Sleep in the dark, alone: I have been scared of the dark since I was… probably eleven or so? I’ve been burdened by the scary movies I’ve seen, and blessed with the active imagination I have. I have never felt such extreme panic and anxiety as when I lie in bed in the dark. It is unlike any feeling I have ever experienced, and I hate it. I know the only way to conquer it, though, is to face it. I don’t know if I can do this one yet, because it is making me scared thinking about it. But working with my previous resolution, if I can exhaust myself more throughout the day playing with my body, then I can get these negative thoughts out of my mind before sleep and sleep peacefully.
4. Budget: This one is so simple and boring, but so VITAL! I am a huge believer that today’s society HAS to start voting with their dollar, spending money where it is treating everyone right, people, their product, animals, and the consumers. This means no MSG bullshit, no lame ass pay or extreme CEO privilege. I am the worst at budgeting, spending every cent I have until the next paycheck. I have to go to places like Wal-Mart, where good practice is tossed out in favor of greed and convenience. Saving money will allow me to plan better what I want to spend money on, and how much I can spend. It will also help with my relationships! I’m only twenty-one, so I have tons of fun with my friends without spending a time sometimes. But in order to strengthen the friendships and familial relations I have, I have to have some cash. Travel is a big reason, they don’t all live right next to me. Also, if you’re budgeting, you can’t do some things, so it will allow me to be more creative and more invested in finding interesting things to do with those around me. Since relationships are all about having memories, and then creating newer memories and more connections, doing different things other than seeing movies, going out to eat, or going downtown are vital to the deepness of relationships. So often, the best thing I can think to do is just sit and talk, and even that is so much more connecting then to watch a three hour movie. AND, better budgeting means I’ll be able to plan to buy way better and more thoughtful gifts :-)
5. Make more efforts, more contact, and more communication with the people who matter: Talk to them more, confide in them more, let them know I’m thinking of them. I’ll try to stop thinking of the right things to say, and just say what I feel. Engage them. Share things with them that would make them happy. Just think about the people I love more, in general.
6. Get my education on track: I took some time off school, and it’s been eye opening and horrifying. I work in a call center, and there are people there that have been there forever. I cannot do that. I cannot even consider the idea of working there forever. So I’ll use them to pay for my education, and then get the fuck out of there. I will be going back to classes in August, and I cannot wait. This daily writing should help with that, too. Not being in college right now is the saddest and biggest disappointment in my life right now, and I cannot wait to fix that.
I have others, and I’ll share them with you when I get there. But today, here is what I have. I have always started the budget, and I have already bought my first load of healthy and body loving groceries :-) And then I started writing today with this! 2014 is a new experience. Let’s see what happens.